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Some of That Cancer Water on My Beak
58 Plays1 year ago
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SHOW NOTES:
The Controversial Hall of Fame - this is well within the parameters
The Interview, by Proxy - hanging out at the clown judge coffee shop
Podcast for the Treatment - I saw the sweaty boys on the elevator
Funny Podcast Games - we’re your grandsons
Not So Funny Podcast - we’re members of the press
This Week In Creepville - “please Spider-Man I’m shy”
Weenie Boy Special - I call it Nathan’s Infamous
Unfuck the Real Illusion - he’s the best lawyer in Space Boston
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Transcript
Mimicking Instruments with Mouth
00:00:15
Speaker
Have I already done that as the opening one time trying to do that song? I feel like I have. Okay. Well, maybe you use the different instrumentation. That's pretty much the only instrument I could do with my mouth. I can't do like a.
00:00:33
Speaker
How do you do a piano? Wait, wait, wait. Let me think of a piano. Okay. Sounds like a flute. Oh, maybe I could do a flute. Yeah, that's all right.
00:00:59
Speaker
I don't know. I think you made the strongest choice that you could have made to use the your mouth organ. Yeah. Yeah. I think the best one to do is a trumpet. You can do. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of what I was doing, but half trumpet, half saxophone. The thing where you just kind of. You know. Mm hmm.
00:01:25
Speaker
I think the guy who invented the trumpet was like, hey, check this out. I've invented a new musical instrument. And then his friend is like, that's pretty cool. He's like, oh shit, you don't need this thing to make that sound. Well, can you imagine what the world was like before all of these horns got invented and people were just going around making those songs to themselves? Every time the king enters a room, somebody's like,
00:01:53
Speaker
Yeah. And then the people who are really good at that, it was probably a really big sea change in the heraldry game. You know, they're all getting replaced by guys who are good at actual horns. Yeah. It's not fair. They weren't ready for it. They didn't see it coming.
Live Foley Comedy Ideas
00:02:15
Speaker
Hey, wait a minute. That gives me an idea. What if?
00:02:22
Speaker
What if we started doing a stand-up comedy routine that was like Michael Winslow, but with better sound effects? Like we have like a bunch of, we have like a box of old dishes that we smash on. A pair of high-heeled shoes and a board that we walk around on. Hey fellas, you know when your girlfriend is walking out of the room and she's like,
00:02:52
Speaker
just clip clop in our high heel shoes on the board. People are like, it's amazing. It sounds so much better than I was just going to like kind of lean over top of a microphone and shield our face. And, and, but we're just going to play the sound effects on the soundboard. Yeah. One of us, we take turns, we have like a long boom mic and we just hold it up to the other one.
00:03:18
Speaker
So maybe there's one where, you know, we've got like a bag of chips and we're struggling to open the bag of chips. And the other one's just holding the mic up to the bag of chips. And then we're talking about like an action movie. We're like, and then he was like, ha, ha, ha. And the other one of us has like a,
00:03:43
Speaker
Like an old couch sound and they're just beating the cushion with a wooden rod to make the punch noises. OK, so the audience will see us creating live Foley on stage. Yeah, we are. We are just recording all of this and then playing it back as if we are creating this noise with our mouth.
00:04:05
Speaker
No, we aren't going to be frauds about it. We're just going to, we're going to do what Michael Winslow does, but on a more professional scale, people will, they'll appreciate the artistry. We have like a big piece of sheet metal and how to make a thunder and lightning sound. Doing like the little.
00:04:31
Speaker
UFO. There it is. Oh, that's more of what Michael Winslow would do. We'll have like a whole we'll have like a little turbine, I guess. We need some other stuff to make the. Yeah, a hand crank jet engine. Mm hmm. Just one of those little like the old siren that they used to put on the fire on the fire truck, you know, the little crank up one. So much cooler than now.
00:05:04
Speaker
We're just like a bunch of digital noises. Yeah. Coming at you. Do you think that there is a specific fireman DJ who drops the siren? Oh, yeah. That'd be cool, huh?
00:05:22
Speaker
And he can add some little tweaks in there. You know, each each firehouse has a slightly different siren because this is how the boys from the south side get down when it's time to put out a fire. They got the those boys in Oakland, they got a totally different sound out there. It's like nothing you've ever heard.
00:05:47
Speaker
Yeah, that's that's why if you go to just about any of the dance clubs in town, they're thick with firemen trying to find out what what the next hot sound is. Folks, we don't have a podcast yet. We've been trying. For several years now,
00:06:17
Speaker
And we have yet to establish what the subject of this podcast should be.
Podcast Host Introductions
00:06:29
Speaker
I'm Nathan B Woodard. I'm Andrew James Estes. That's the show. Thanks for listening. What if we just did that? That'd be way less work.
00:06:41
Speaker
Yeah, instead of instead of recording ourselves trying to come up with the idea, if we just checked in every week, just a quick little podcast where we just say, nope. Yep. They say we had was the.
00:06:56
Speaker
The sound we had an idea for. Yeah. Yeah. We had some ideas for what the fire department could do, but nothing for a podcast. If you knew next week. Stopped writing these down. I think that's what the show would be. So that's essentially all we. This is the easiest thing we could possibly do to just quiet quit the podcast. Mm hmm. I do have an idea, though.
Unusual Award Ceremony Concepts
00:07:21
Speaker
I would love to hear it. I don't have a name for this.
00:07:26
Speaker
But I think that coming up with the name is part of the process. I propose that we create. Our own award show. Mm hmm. Similar to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. I'm listening, yes. Because nobody likes the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction awards.
00:07:54
Speaker
Every year, people are mad about who has been proposed to be inducted and who remains uninducted. So I guess not just an award show, but a thing where we're going to say like, we're going to call ourselves like the, you know, the Museum of Great Critters.
00:08:21
Speaker
And then we'll be like, this year the candidates are stink bug. People are like stink bug doesn't belong in the museum of great critters. They still have an inducted ducks. Yeah.
00:08:41
Speaker
I've been I've been on the howler monkey bandwagon since year one. When's that going to happen? Yeah, they've been doing they've been inducting animals into the Museum of Great Critters. For 25 years now, still somehow have not gotten around. To inducting the trilobite.
00:09:04
Speaker
It's true. And you look at what's in there and I'm wondering if you follow the money where it's going to go to because horses in there. Pony is in there. Zebra made, made the cut. You know, mule. They've gotten too woke. They should call it the museum of woke critters.
00:09:34
Speaker
People, people hate the rock and roll hall of fame is, is what your, your podcast, uh, would we be doing the, uh, great critters or would we be doing a rival rock and roll? Oh, we could do a rock and roll hall of fame and get it even.
00:09:52
Speaker
even more controversial than the official Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? What if we called ours the official Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Sorry, guys, you didn't think this would make that your name? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame without the assholes. If you were an asshole on your way up, if you were a real jerk, you will not get into our institution.
00:10:23
Speaker
So only the nice guys of rock and roll. No stinkers. And then we immediately let Ted Nugent. Have Kid Rock there to induct him. Yeah. Ooh, what if we did that? What if we made... Now this is getting pretty far from my original idea, but I like the idea of doing a rock and roll Hall of Fame.
00:10:50
Speaker
Uh, for all, because those are the guys, you know, the people who gripe about the rock and roll hall of fame, you know, letting a black lady be inducted. And then they're like, but what about Ted Nugent, man? So what if we did like a dinner for schmucks version of the rock and roll hall of fame? Rock and roll hall of fame for dickheads.
00:11:17
Speaker
It's the only rock and roll hall of fame for dickheads by dickheads. I guess that implies that weird dickheads too. That's fine. We're the ones making fun of people just like when a light would have liked something.
00:11:37
Speaker
Well, it's arbitrary. It's not like in sports when people have won awards, they have statistics that show someone's prowess. Like it's completely opinion based in the first place. Yeah. They're like, these guys don't even rock at all.
00:12:00
Speaker
That's, that's where my mind is, is that you can, you can get a lot of publicity out of this by just saying that this is rock and roll. And then every year you have like, you know, Lyle love it. And like carob to Benito just put some shit in there that is not rock and roll at all. And then watch, watch those idiots get so mad about it.
00:12:29
Speaker
that they give you all the publicity you could ever ask for. But I think we could make them even matter if we said that, say, the podtron has a algorithm that is accurate to with a tenth of a rocking point. And we can definitively say that
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Satire
00:12:47
Speaker
these are that this is a definitive ranking. Well, these acts rock. This is a this is 57 percent rock and at least 78 percent roll.
00:12:59
Speaker
I think maybe you need to recalibrate your machinery because this is clearly coming across as rock and roll to us. Well, I don't know what piece of claptrap you're using, but I trust our algorithm. He's probably cranking it like an old time fire siren. I'm just looking here and it's it's saying that this is hot funk, cool punk and old junk. And according to.
00:13:28
Speaker
Professor William Joel, that is still rock and roll to me. Do you got a podcast idea? I do. This one is called The Interview, comma, by proxy. And this is a podcast idea that also tries to save us some time and effort. It would be a show in which we would need a couple of guests.
00:13:58
Speaker
and they would not actually be on the show. I would have an interviewer guest on the line. You would have a interviewee guest on the line and we would act as a proxy for their interview.
00:14:22
Speaker
OK, so we're going to have one stashed over here, one stashed over there. They're never going to see each other. They're never going to hear each other. So, yeah, so it's like a game of telephone. But also like a Charlie Rose style.
00:14:45
Speaker
Yeah, but if if we want to, we can, you know, hit mute on the line to our proxy and we could have a little commentary on what we think of the conversation that's happening. Oh, but we've got to be quick about it so that they don't know anything is up. So it'd be like we have our video chat going
00:15:11
Speaker
But then we also have so we'd be doing three recordings at once. So the the two folks on either end of us. Are we hearing them or are we just hearing us? Do you want it? I was thinking I was going to have a phone call with the person that I'm acting as proxy for and then
00:15:37
Speaker
Probably put my cans off of one ear so I can hear what's going on in both places. Oh, so they're going to they're not even going to be on the call. They're just going to be. I don't even know if I'm going to tell them that there is a podcast in which we're doing a proxy interview. For all they know, I will just be interviewing them. You're just sitting in a table in a Starbucks.
00:16:03
Speaker
trying to strike up a conversation with somebody while I'm in your ear. Ask them
Proxy Interviews and Charity Critiques
00:16:10
Speaker
if they've ever been to the circus. And then you're like, so have you ever been to the circus? Your honor, have you ever been to the circus?
00:16:26
Speaker
It's a guy with a big red nose. I well, I mean, I know what coffee shop all the judges go to. So of course I'm going to go down there and scout for talent. Oh, is it the coffee shop that's like in the courthouse? Yes, yes, it is. Yeah. How did you know? Does it have like a fun, you know? A fun name. I think it's called a recess.
00:16:57
Speaker
recess. I'm pretty sure there is a bar called Sidebar down by the courthouse. I think it has nothing to do with the courthouse and where the the guy who owns it is a big fan of the ABC Children's Show recess. He's got a huge crush on Spinelli. That's right. All right. I I got it. I got another idea for a podcast. OK.
00:17:27
Speaker
This is called Podcast for the Treatment. Podcast for the Treatment. And this is, I just realized both of my ideas this week are just trying to lure people into some sort of a trap. This one is basically, you know, the Susan G. Komen Foundation? Sure do. A Race for the Cure.
00:17:55
Speaker
Yeah, the completely reputable on the up and up cancer charity. Yes. Yeah. But they have trademarked the phrase for the cure. So no one else can do anything for the cure. Well, I propose that we start a charity podcast for the treatment of cancer, which we can get pretty high and mighty about the fact that
00:18:22
Speaker
We're actually doing something unlike certain other cancer charities that just keep promising a cure and never delivering on it. Just putting all that money straight into the Philosopher's Stone. We're picking up the pieces where they lay. But we also need to trademark the phrase for the treatment. So anytime anybody gets a little bit of treatment, we get our beaks wet. OK.
00:18:53
Speaker
I'd love to get some of that cancer water on my beak. Just in the hospital. It appears that your grandmother has a rare form of bone cancer. And well, there are a few options that the most. The most straightforward one is. Well, before I say it, I need to.
00:19:22
Speaker
introduce two guys and then it's us with microphones. Hello. We peek around the corner. I'm in a barrel. We're here for the treatment. We have the little, the little bag on the end of a stick, like they stick out it like a church revival tent. You have to put money in the little bag on a stick. That's good. Okay.
00:19:46
Speaker
Send her old bones back there. She's ready for the treatment. Now, if we're going to be the mascots of this charity, can we build some mascot suits of ourselves so that there can be helpers for us in every city in the world holding out that bag? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But but these suits are just kind of cartoon representations of us. Yeah. Mm hmm.
00:20:15
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I like like, I don't think we'll have a Disney level suit. It'll probably be more like Shoney Bear level, but yeah. And it'll freak people out when we take the head off and it's just a sweatier version of the same thing inside. Mm hmm. Maybe we make the mascots look sweaty. Just so that it's not jarring when we take the heads off.
00:20:45
Speaker
You're at the hospital, you're like, the doctor's like, well, it's not good. And I saw the sweaty boys going up the elevator. I know what it is, doctor.
00:21:00
Speaker
So we're, we're, uh, nobody gets a diagnosis without us jumping in there. Well, as soon as the doctor could diagnose you with cancer, but as soon as he starts talking about delivers the diagnosis and we get that treatment first, we're getting a little bit right off the top and not just with melanomas, but we also, we want part of that. If you got tumors, we get to keep some of them.
00:21:33
Speaker
I, I don't want, I don't want my share of the tumor. They can keep them. These might be worth something someday. Yeah. What if we, do you think that there could be a market for that where, where you're just like, I have Mickey mantle's rookie tumor. Yeah. I've got one of Tom green's balls.
00:21:57
Speaker
What if we just, we, you know, the Funko pop market has completely collapsed. What if we just slid in there with the collectible tumors? And we just, I mean, they're just tumors. They're just tumors in jars. But then we're like, this one is Nathan Fillion from, from Firefly. It's just a tumor, but we're like, nah, that's,
00:22:24
Speaker
That's, that's Nathan Fillion. You don't recognize, uh, his distinctive coat on the tomb. And this one over here, that's detective castle. He's off to solve another crime. Oh, look at this little guy. That's rocket raccoon. It's in a little tiny vial. It's just a, a mole that somebody had removed. It's good. Cause it's teaching people to use their imaginations again.
00:22:55
Speaker
Back in the day, you could sell somebody a rock or a walnut with googly eyes on it. Could you imagine doing that now? Actually, kind of. Yeah, I think I think that they could make a pretty big comeback. I feel like we'd have to make the rocks and walnuts out of plastic for people who believe that they were going to. Yeah, they find some sort of joy from them. This dirty thing. I don't bring this into my home. Hmm.
00:23:24
Speaker
It's a rock. No, no, it's Dr. Strange. I already have Dr. Strange, thank you. And it's an ovarian cyst in a jar. You can't fool me. Do you got another idea for a podcast?
Comedic Surprises and Political Satire
00:23:45
Speaker
I do, and just continuing the theme of them all being traps this week, this is funny podcast games.
00:23:54
Speaker
Oh, no. It's it's a podcast in which we show up unannounced to someone's home to do a podcast. But they are coerced into being an audience for we would tie them up and we have on little matching tennis outfits. Yeah, you get it. I do get it. I'm a little worried about how this plays out.
00:24:24
Speaker
Well, when I was coming up with these ideas, I was thinking, well, we'll never actually do it, but it's been on my list for a very long time. So we get to kick the tires on it today. Yeah. Just, I'm trying to think of who, who would be the most realistic option of who to, who does to do to, to, who to do this to.
00:24:52
Speaker
And then what would be the most fun? And I think most fun would be Senator Mitch McConnell. Yeah, yeah. Which he's actually part of the general group of what I said most doable, which is the elderly. They're frail and weak.
00:25:13
Speaker
He just, he falls down a flight of stairs and we're waiting at the bottom with a microphone. We didn't break in. Welcome to the show. You had a concussion recently. You don't remember letting us in. You totally did. You said that you're a big fan of our show and you can't wait. We're your grandsons. Let's get you to bed. We trick him into thinking he's married to Nancy Pelosi.
00:25:42
Speaker
He's like, she is familiar to me. That's right. That's your wife, our grandma. We love you, grandpa. Oh, where's the gold hidden? Yeah. Where are you burial? You told us that you needed help digging up all the gold, grandpa. You said we need the gold so that we can go to the drag show brunch.
00:26:14
Speaker
It's not much of a podcast the way it's playing out in my mind, but I'm loving it. Just us and a severely concussed Mitch McConnell having a day out on the town with a sack full of gold coins, just going around like Scrooge McDuck and two of his nephews, just tossing gold coins to all the drag queens in town.
00:26:42
Speaker
and smiling and waving to TMZ or whoever. There's not much TMZ. TMZ doesn't do much around here in Kentucky. No, I feel like we need more. I believe we even had a podcast idea that was just TMZ for Kentucky. Yeah. TMZ colon KFC. Kentucky filmed content. Funny podcast games.
00:27:11
Speaker
I watched a, I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to spoil it for you if you haven't seen it, but I watched that horror film with Helen Hunt.
Distracting Celebrity Appearances
00:27:22
Speaker
Have you heard about it? I think it's called I see you. And the whole time that we were watching it, I was like, man, I.
00:27:36
Speaker
cannot pay attention to this movie because of what Helen Hunt looks like. And I was like, am I being sexist right now? And so I checked and the internet was like, no, we're all distracted by Helen Hunt's face. I'm trying to think of the last thing I saw Helen Hunt in and I do feel like it's been a very long time.
00:28:02
Speaker
Well, she's transformed herself into Mr. Odo from Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Okay. Can she also turn completely into liquid in a bucket? Yeah, she has to sleep in a bucket now. Yeah, okay. That's cool.
00:28:27
Speaker
It takes all kinds, you know. It's like she got her face smoothed out, but for some reason. It just like her eyes are like receding back into her skull and her mouth is just like. Closing up into a little belly button. And she's playing a lady who was, I think, supposed to be like 40.
00:28:54
Speaker
in that movie. She had a son in high school. Well, I mean, it's only fair that she gets to do that. How long did Al Pacino get to play a guy who's like 40? He probably is making a movie right now where he's playing a guy who's 40.
00:29:12
Speaker
He's got a 25 year old girlfriend. Every time I see a picture of Al Pacino, I saw a video of Al Pacino just yesterday and his hair is so fucking wild. He looks like.
00:29:28
Speaker
He looks like one of the skeletons that scares Indiana Jones, like just a wisp of long hair that's like just going out in every direction. You can fully see his entire scalp through the hair and he just got it teased out like crazy. Is he just acting like he's on cocaine at this point or is he still really on cocaine all the time? You know, I don't. He's such a good actor. I could I could see it going either way.
00:29:57
Speaker
It's one of those things, you know, when somebody is like a stoner for a really long time and then they just kind of turn into, that becomes who they are. Is it possible that that is what cocaine does too? Because that doesn't feel like how that works. I feel like cocaine makes you like, like Ozzy Osbourne, right? Like I think that there's a, there are a lot of variables in the, uh,
00:30:27
Speaker
intricate equation that is Ozzy Osbourne. Yeah, I guess that's true. I just kind of imagine that cocaine works the way that Donald Trump thinks that exercise works where if you use up too much energy, then you run out like a battery.
Trump's Unique Delivery Style
00:30:46
Speaker
And maybe that's, that's what cocaine in my mind does. Have you seen that video of Trump?
00:30:53
Speaker
Sorry, I'm getting distracted from being distracted here. Have you seen that video of Trump where he says 69? No. Oh my God. It's amazing. Hang on. You'll see some numbers that are incredible. You'll see some numbers that are, we just had one today. 69 for Trump and I think 18 or 19 for the sanctimonious.
00:31:22
Speaker
Yeah, we were at 69 and one today. All right. Let's go to the pod Tron.
Podtron 4500: AI-Generated Ideas
00:31:35
Speaker
Okay. Folks. The pod Tron 4,500 is an artificial intelligence that we.
00:31:44
Speaker
trained by giving it a list of the most popular podcasts. And then it analyzed that information and it outputs a list of new podcasts that it thinks might be a good jumping off point for our own great podcast, podcast titles, like the not so funny podcast. So this is
00:32:10
Speaker
I mean, yours was called funny podcast games. This one, not so funny podcast. Well, I think that mine would have probably in practice turned out to not be very funny. I'd like the movie funny games. Yeah. So perhaps a not so funny podcast could go the other way and actually be very funny. It'll be like, there's a monster at the end of this book. You remember that one Grover.
00:32:39
Speaker
Grover it's Grover. We just we can afford Grover We'll have to get like the Latin American Sesame Street monster and his name's like Jorge or something. Oh Jorge Hey deals meal now now I'm trying to figure out I'm strong at the end of the liberal, you know how when you take Spanish in school you get to choose your
00:33:10
Speaker
your Spanish language name that you'll be called. The list of names that you could choose from did not contain everything. I would like to know what Grover in Spanish is. That is a name you don't hear a lot. Do you think that they phased it out because of the Sesame Street guy?
00:33:34
Speaker
I think that that happened. I think that a lot of people used to be named Grover. A lot of people used to be named Kermit. And then they were like, that name's burnt. I'm not naming my kid after a fucking muppet. Yeah. That's Grover Norquist's parents were probably so mad when Sesame Street came out. They were like, no.
00:34:04
Speaker
What? So the not so funny podcast.
Theatre and Humorous Moments
00:34:10
Speaker
What if we did a podcast where we tried to not joke around at all? OK, like imagine. Imagine I had a friend growing up who would always have a crush on some girl who was in the theater department. And he would be like, dude,
00:34:33
Speaker
you got to come with me to see this production of, of Steel Magnolias because the girl in this play, I'm trying to talk to her. And so I'd have to go, I'd have to go with him to see Steel Magnolias so that he could be like, Hey, that was a really good job afterwards. And then the whole time I would just be like, having a ball, but not what I was supposed to be.
00:35:04
Speaker
You were getting elbowed a lot to shut up. Yeah. Stop. Stop. Everyone can hear you laughing at the production of Steel Magnolias that I saw. I somehow got sat in between my friend and the dean of the college. And it was a very small kind of black box theater, and they made the decision to use an actual radio on stage.
00:35:31
Speaker
to give the atmosphere of it taking place in a beauty shop. And this was a radio that was just tuned to the radio. And at one point, when the Sally Field character dies, the radio started playing, let the good times roll. So maybe we could do that. We could do a podcast. We could go to, what's a solemn occasion?
00:36:01
Speaker
something where we shouldn't be having a good time. Funeral. Or maybe something not that solemn. Like a memorial? A christening. Yeah, maybe we get ourselves invited to someone's baby's baptism. Or a bris. Divorce court. Oh, there we go.
00:36:31
Speaker
We're at, if you're getting a divorce, could you invite us to do a podcast episode? We're members of the press. We've got the little card in our pockets. You have to let us in. I've got one in my hat. Press. We're court reporters, but for divorce court, it's just
00:36:54
Speaker
It's just a little weekly paper that we put out where we report on all the divorces and give our takes on whose fault it was. Yeah. Try to get quotes from them as they're, they're leaving the building. Just like it's the crime time. Yeah. Yeah. It's the divorce times.
00:37:15
Speaker
We have a section that's called Ready to Mingle, where we've got all the hot ladies mug shots or whatever. They don't do mug shots for divorce court, yeah. No, they would be glamor shots that I have a studio where I take the sexy boudoir pictures of the newly divorced women.
00:37:41
Speaker
Oh, I see. That's a very good idea. Do you have an idea from the padron? I do. This one is called this week in Crepeville.
Exploring Creeps: Real and Fictional
00:37:54
Speaker
This week in Crepeville? Yeah, which I guess this week in Crepeville. You know, you're standing around outside the divorce court. Yeah, but.
00:38:09
Speaker
Handing out your little business cards to all the newly divorced ladies. Yeah, I've got the divorce times, but I also have a how to creep guide that is constantly being updated. But really this week in Creteville could
00:38:27
Speaker
be about real life creeps and then also creeps of the fictional variety. Like we could do a segment on, uh, Helen Hunt's melting woman character in this new film you're talking about. This movie came out like, uh, four years ago, but no, it was a very bad time for movies coming out. So everyone's just discovering it now on Netflix.
00:38:56
Speaker
But they should have called it The Melting Woman. That would have... I'll say that the script is pretty good, but it gets outshined by just the bizarreness of Helen Hunt's new face. And that's a shame. This week in Creep Phil, we could do like a police blotter, get some good, like, peeping Tom stories.
00:39:25
Speaker
A man who, locally, that teacher that got suspended for dressing up like an old lady and then walking around the gas station parking lot with a map asking people for help and then groping their penises when they tried to help. That's a pretty good one in Crepeville. I mean, that's the kind of stuff that we need to find. Stuff that's not too distasteful.
00:39:54
Speaker
Yeah. But just like that guy, when he got arrested, he said, this is just my this is a flirting technique is what he said. Yeah. And they said when the one one of the victims asked him not to do that, he said, oh, you're shy. You don't you don't have to be shy with me. Oh.
00:40:20
Speaker
I try to pick up people at truck stops. You don't have to be shy. That's the only possible explanation for your behavior. Yeah. If it had been like Denzel Washington dressing up like a little old lady and wandering around the parking lot of a speedway with a map asking for help and then tugging on people's dicks, they wouldn't have called it sexual harassment.
00:40:46
Speaker
I think they would. No, it was somebody hot like Toby McGuire doing it. Spider-Man grabbed my dick. Spider-Man. That's this week in Creepville. Please, Spider-Man, I'm shy.
00:41:15
Speaker
You're making me blush over here, Spider-Man. I got another one. Okay. The podron suggests a podcast called weenie boy special.
Theoretical Hot Dogs and Conspiracies
00:41:30
Speaker
Ooh. Okay. And I guess that this would be, I mean, there's a lot of ways you can go with this, but I think it would just be fun to do a podcast about theoretical hot dogs.
00:41:45
Speaker
You know, you remember my burger week. I do remember I joined in on the burger week on that's right. Two of the seven days folks. If, if you don't follow my, my, uh, personal Instagram account, you can go ahead and do that. It's, it's at Nathan P thousand, but what last summer, I guess. Yeah. I, uh.
00:42:15
Speaker
I was home for a whole week without the wife and kids. And I decided to invent a different new hamburger every, every day for a week. And, uh, my wife was worried for my health. She thought I was going to die from hamburger poisoning or something, I guess.
00:42:37
Speaker
But we can't let her know about this, but she's going out of town for a week. I can do a hot dog. Yeah. Well, the first idea that immediately hits me is in a cheeseburger, are you familiar with a Juicy Lucy?
00:43:02
Speaker
Yes. A burger that has a completely cheese core that gets molten as you cook it. Mm hmm. Crack it open and it's all melty cheese inside. What about a burger that has a complete hot dog inside of it? Oh, kind of an inverse version of the cheeseburger roller grill hot dog. Yeah, but only there's a real, you know, the burger is just armor for the all hot dog center.
00:43:32
Speaker
What about this? So I have, I have a hot dog making machine. I own like a meat grinder that has the attachment that you can make your own links. Like you should have to get the casings. I'm shocked that you've never told me about this before and a little disappointed that you haven't told me about this before.
00:44:00
Speaker
I've never used it. Okay. It's the sort of thing where, you know, Laura thinks it's nice that I like to cook and that I'm...
00:44:09
Speaker
I'm good at like doing new things. And so she was like, well, this is nice. I'll get you like all the, all the gizmos and gadgets for your, for your fancy stand mixer. Uh, but then no one, no one else in my family likes sausage. So I've never gotten to make the sausage. I don't, you know, none of them like to know how the sausage gets made. So I don't make the sausage.
00:44:37
Speaker
But, uh, yeah, yeah. What if I, they started. Okay. I'm listening. I'm putting the hot dogs into the grinder and then immediately sausage out of making a sausage out of hot dog.
00:44:55
Speaker
just a larger hot dog out of smaller hot dogs grinding them into. I think that that's the same principle is distillation. If you then took your hot dog sausages that you've made and put them right back into the grinder again, you're getting ever so closer to the purity of the perfect dog.
00:45:17
Speaker
Here's what we do. We take the hot dogs and we cut them up into coins, then we put them on the grill, get them nice and smoky, then we put them into the grinder, then re-hot dogify them, and then we grill those dot, dot, dot, new kind of hot dog.
00:45:41
Speaker
It's smoked on the inside. Also, uh, to do a super, super spicy hot dog, uh, to give to your enemies. Oh, I've made a, some triple distilled perfect hot dogs for everybody. Everybody's eating home saying, Oh, isn't this delicious? And then you give the pepper X hot dog to whoever your enemy is. We do a, you know, you know, the one chip challenge.
00:46:12
Speaker
Mm hmm. What if we did not to be confused with chips challenge. Right. Or Chex Quest. OK. The the one chip challenge, but it's a little Vienna sausage. It's a very, very spicy little hot dog this big. And it just comes. It's wrapped up like a like a little Tootsie roll.
00:46:39
Speaker
And when they sell these signs around it saying like this, this tiny hot dog is very, very spicy, not for the faint of heart. Uh, consult your doctor before purchasing this item, et cetera. Flaming hot dog. Oh my God. Yeah. This shit right. So fingers. Just a bright red hot dog. Mm-hmm. Maybe we could print little flames on the side of it.
00:47:08
Speaker
We'll just have a stencil, a char stencil. We can have a char flames on it. Oh yeah. Like the, like the char printing on the burgers at Burger King. We could get, I bet. I think I know somebody who knows somebody who knows Guy Fieri. We could get him on board with this Guy Fieri's.
00:47:36
Speaker
One dog challenge. If he doesn't want to, there's always Joey Chestnut. Yeah. Hi, I'm Joey Chestnut. The only time I eat one hot dog is when it's Nathan and AJ's one hot dog challenge. Nathan and AJ's famous hot dog. Nathan's infamous and it's got a picture of me dressed like the devil. Yeah.
00:48:07
Speaker
That's weenie boy special. Are you got one more? I do. This one is called unfuck the real illusion. Unfuck the real illusion. Yeah. And this. This is going to be a conspiracy theory podcast where we find all the real conspiracy theories, report them to you and try to
00:48:38
Speaker
Take apart the real illusion. This sounds like a, like a true TV show hosted by Dave Navarro. Yeah. That's what it's like. It's Dave Navarro. I'll be Dave Navarro and you can be Guy Fieri. And we're going from diner to diner.
00:49:03
Speaker
all over New Mexico, unfucking these real illusions. And every week we have a different guest. But also eating diner food, yeah. Yeah. We always tie it into the diner food somehow. Like an episode of Scrubs. There's always like a little monologue at the end. And we'll usually have like one of the Pawn Stars or an American Picker on there too. Yeah. We'll have the Property Brothers on for the season premiere.
00:49:34
Speaker
Chris Angel for sweeps week. William Shatner hottest shit off of his trip to space. Ready to. Happy birthday to the man. Yeah. He dies on our show because we make him eat diner food and then we scare him with a fake UFO. Yeah. This man's been to space. We thought he could handle it.
00:50:04
Speaker
Sorry, sorry to the Shatner family. We feed Nathan's infamous to all of our guests. We scared your 94 year old Papaw because we thought that he was just as invincible as the characters he played on TV. They should have made all of his characters go to space, not just Captain Kirk. Like all of the time or just one episode where T.J. Hooker is in space. T.J. Hooker goes to space for an episode
00:50:35
Speaker
You know how they do that where they'll have like the, you know, people from the old show that somebody was on guest star on the new show. They should have just done that, but with space, maybe like an episode. Yeah. Yeah. Just an episode of Boston legal where he has to defend the Klingons in court. Yeah.
00:50:59
Speaker
We love it. It's set in Space Boston. Space Boston. Because this is actually just 100 years from the time that the normal continuity of Boston legal takes place. And so William Shatner's vanity would allow him to be like, just put a little gray around my temples. This is what I'll look like in the year 2127.
00:51:32
Speaker
He's playing a fictionalized version of himself that lived to be 200 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, his character on Boston Legal.
00:51:50
Speaker
A fictionalized version of the actor William Shatter. Doesn't have a lot of degree. Fake, fake gray coloring on top of his fake brown coloring. Sounds good. Yep. All right. Here's here's what we got this week. We got. What did we call this one? The Museum of. What was it? The official Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
00:52:15
Speaker
The official rocket, the real rock and roll. Rock and roll Critter Museum. We got the interview by proxy podcast for the treatment. Funny podcast games. Not so funny podcast this week in Crepeville. Weenie Boys special and unfuck the real illusion.
00:52:43
Speaker
I think that we're picking off the pod Tron list this week. I think really weenie boy special. Weenie boy special. Okay. Weenie boy special. It is folks. If you want to hear weenie boy special, you can head over to patreon.com slash we don't have a podcast yet or white house dot boats. That's our vanity URL.
00:53:13
Speaker
Sign up to support us and you'll get access to the vault. If you like the show that isn't a show, you'll like the show that is a show even more. Every single one of these, we actually do record and try before returning like a dog to its vomit, to the podtron in our own ideas.
00:53:38
Speaker
Also follow us on Instagram at WDHAPY. We'll be posting pictures of the hot dogs all hot dog week. So even if you're a big cheapskate and you don't want to support the show, you can still get a glimpse of what kind of ideas we came up with for weenie boy special. Thanks for listening. I'm Nathan B. Woodard. I'm Andrew James Estis. Good night.
00:54:14
Speaker
When Chester could be broke, you're bringing me down You stood and you watched as my baby left out You could have done something, but you didn't
00:54:36
Speaker
You've been to my place You better walk by